


Exasperating

by Voib



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Bi Dean, Bisexual Dean, Crack, Dean Winchester - Freeform, Gay teens, Hilarity Ensues, M/M, Pastel Pink, Preppy white housewives, References to sexual acts, Sam Winchester - Freeform, but no actual sex, troye sivan - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-01
Updated: 2016-11-27
Packaged: 2018-08-28 09:49:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,214
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8441032
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Voib/pseuds/Voib
Summary: It all started when Dean and Cas got invited to an all adults barbecue one Sunday afternoon. The card was an off white, gross, and what was even more annoying was that their neighbors, which lived 50 friggin feet away, had to kill a tree just so they didn't have to go 50 feet, 50 goddamn feet, to verbally ask Dean and Cas to a barbecue. To say the least, Dean and Cas were irked. They eventually got over it but that didn't mean that they even remotely liked it.





	1. Chapter 1

It all started when Dean and Cas got invited to an all adults barbecue one Sunday afternoon. The card was an off white, gross, and what was even more annoying was that their neighbors, which lived 50 friggin feet away, had to kill a tree just so they didn't have to go 50 feet, 50 goddamn feet, to verbally ask Dean and Cas to a barbecue. To say the least, Dean and Cas were irked. They eventually got over it but that didn't mean that they even remotely liked it. 

The day of the Barbecue finally came and Sam came over to watch Claire so they could walk 50 feet to their neighbors, Richard and Valencia. The walk there was nice, considering it was literally 50 feet before they knocked on the door and came face to face with Helen From The Bake-sale™. 

Helen was that one mom that tried to be better than every other mom for her sake and only her own sake. Her kid, David, was constantly, and I'm talking constantly, embarrassed. One day Helen brought his tighty-whiteys to school and showed them to the entire 5th grade class that they were fresh and clean and that her laundry detergent worked better than Patricia's. It was a bad day for everyone but Helen. 

Dean instinctively stepped back a step at the sight of Helen. It wasn't that she was scary looking, (though she almost was with those chunky-ass highlights in her hair) she just would do anything to be better than everyone. Cas, on the other hand, never backed away from her. He never challenged her nor submitted to her and always kept facing forward. Dean didn't know how he did it. 

Helen finally got out of the god-damned way and told them where the barbecue was happening. They headed through the house filled with decorative pillows that were never touched (what the fuck) and arrived at the glass door that opened into the too green backyard. 

"Dean, they have tequila. This is going to get messy." 

They gave each other a look of reassurance before they open the door to impressions and status quo. 

They tried to be relatively sneaky and not attract attention but once one person saw them everyone immediately started saying that "that gay couple is here". For good measure they probably threw in a couple "I'm so happy that my kid isn't here, they could turn him gay". Everyone that was once laughing and telling "good jokes" (probably talking about funny animal videos or something stupid like that) stopped and was immediately staring right at them. They waved awkwardly then tried to get out of the spotlight by literally walking out from under it. They went over to the bench underneath one of the big sycamore trees. People weren't over there probably because the benches underneath the trees were "dirty" with leaves. 

"I don't like this already, Cas. They're staring too much." Just looking at Cas drew the attention back onto them. Dean looked up and saw at least 3 people quickly turn their heads away. He looked back down. 

"I'll go get the tequila then." Cas got up and walked over to the now empty bar. 

They stayed there and looked at all of the recently re-married people for about 20 minutes before a guy dressed in pressed kaki shorts came over with his pretentious trophy wife hanging on his arm. They were not walking very straight no matter how hard they tried and were trying not to act drunk. 

The man started, "We heard that you guys are together, is that true?" 

Dean cocked an eyebrow and nodded slowly. "Yeah...?" 

"Does that mean that you like to have threesomes?!" The woman blurted out. She looked like she was gonna puke. She looked back over her shoulder to make sure that no one heard what she said and was staring. 

"A-A threesome? You- You think that we have threesomes?" Cas was at a loss of words. The stupidity was overwhelming. 

"Listen plastic surgery and Gucci shorts, just because we're together does not mean we're automatically gay and 2, why the fuck do you think we have threesomes because, news flash, we don't." 

Dean's face had torn into a sneer, while Cas looked at them in a calm yet threatening manner. 

The couple stared at them open mouthed then slammed their jaw together and briskly walked off.  
~~~~~  
The next person to approach the couple still on the bench was, though no one under 18 was allowed into the barbecue, a teenager. He walked right over and sat down next to Dean. He had scraggly black hair and a scowl on his face. Dean kicked his foot over the bench so he was straddling it. 

"What are you in for? Are they too boring for your tastes or too fake?" 

The teen huffed before turning away from Dean. 

"C'mon dude. You can tell me, I don't have anything else to do. And it seems like you purposefully sat here so. Spit it out." 

He finally turned towards Dean. 

"My stupid mom won't let me go to prom with my boyfriend." 

That stung. 

"I'm so sorry dude. I never had that growing up but I had a lot of friends that went through stuff like that. What's your mom's reasoning for it?" 

The teen huffed. "She says it's 'unnatural.'" 

"Ok well, you're almost an adult. Imma get vulgar here, why do you think men have gay sex?"

The kid kind of shrugged. "I dunno." 

"It's simple dude, it feels good. Now you know how pain works, if something hurts it's your body telling you to stop hurting it further. And since pleasure is the opposite, pleasure is a good sign. Right?" 

The kid mumbled. "Yeah." 

"Why does gay sex feel good if it's unnatural? It can't be unnatural because of that." 

The kids mouth tugged into a pseudo frown. "I mean, that does make sense." 

"Exactly." Dean finally said. "Now go tell that to your mom. But... don't tell her I said that." 

The kid awkwardly turned and muttered a quick thanks before standing up and walking off. 

"You're gonna get us kicked out, Dean. Though, I think it would be worth it." Cas nodded assuredly and continued looking ahead at all of the busy people.  

After a long 20 minutes, the party was finally over and everyone was hobbling back home. Dean and Cas were the last ones to leave, politely throwing away their trash and picking up other's. 

They walked through the house following Richard and Valencia to the door. They looked nervous as Dean and Cas turned around to say their goodbyes. 

"Thank you for having us. I hope we can get in touch and socialize more?" Cas spoke generic, repeated lines that had gone sour years ago. 

"Y-Yes. Of course, Castiel." Valencia held an insincere smile on her cherry red lips. 

"Good. We'll be going then." Dean held a quick smile before dropping it as soon as he turned. 

"God. Father. Please forgive me for saying this but, I hate those people." Cas spoke quietly as they walked away. 

Dean giggled a bit before biting his lip because the Smiths were still watching them. 

When they walked the 50 feet to their house they open the door and slammed it, letting their stifled laughter ring out. They slid down the back of the door together in a fit of laughter until Sam heard them and walked into the room with 5 year old Claire on his hip. 

"What's so funny?" He asked with a cocked smile and a huff of a laugh. 

"Jesus Christ my stomachs hurts." Dean continued laughing a bit before he spoke up. 

"Well we had a couple come up to us and ask us if we have T-h-r-e-e-s-o-m-e-s. And then this kid came up to us, like we're gay therapists or something complaining that his mom won't let him go to prom with his boyfriend because it's unnatural, so I gave him the run down. I told him that gay S-e-x is not unnatural because, y'know, it feels good and that's not bad. Then I told him to tell his mom that." At the last sentence, Cas and Dean burst into laughter again. 

It took them longer to settle down this time as they were almost rolling on the floor, but they eventually stopped and leaned their heads back against the door.

"Daddy, Papa, what's secs? And what's gay?" Claire said from the kitchen table where she had started to eat a peanut butter and jelly sandwich that Sam made. She took a drink of milk and looked at them expectantly. 

It was Sam's turn to laugh this time as he put his head down on the counter and laughed his ass off. 

"Ha, ha. Laugh it up. You're not the one who's gonna have to explain the gay birds and the bees to your 5 year old daughter."  Cas' face held a scowl as he got up and put his trench coat on the hanger by the door. Cas started heading up stairs to the bedroom and Dean started following along. 

"Cas, I'm sorry for not thinking that our 5 year old can spell. She's growing up too fast!" Dean shouted as he ran up the stairs. There was another sentence from Cas after that but it was muffled by the walls of the bedroom. 

Claire was already done with her sandwich and had put the dish on the counter next to the sink. 

They're probably going to start having loud angry sex or something, Sam thought with a shudder. 

"Hey Claire, do you wanna go to the park?"


	2. Pastel Pink Hell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Claire! Get your ass down here or we're not going at all!" Dean yelled from the downstairs living room. 
> 
> "We're going to be late! It's gonna start in 15!" Cas borderline whined from next to Dean. 
> 
> "Jesus Christ, I'm coming!" Claire yelled back running down the stairs and grabbing her purse. 
> 
> "Claire, don't talk ill of my half brother. And please get a jacket, this concert is going to last until 9 and it's going to be freezing." 
> 
> "Yes Dad." Claire mocked Cas with a joking tone in her voice. Damn teenagers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Claire is about 12 here. Sorry for any mistakes, I'm dyslexic.

"Claire! Get your ass down here or we're not going at all!" Dean yelled from the downstairs living room. 

"We're going to be late! It's gonna start in 15!" Cas borderline whined from next to Dean. 

"Jesus Christ, I'm coming!" Claire yelled back running down the stairs and grabbing her purse. 

"Claire, don't talk ill of my half brother. And please get a jacket, this concert is going to last until 9 and it's going to be freezing." 

"Yes Dad." Claire mocked Cas with a joking tone in her voice. Damn teenagers. 

They hurried outside as fast as they could because it was already getting colder in these late summer months. 

"Shut up Claire, we're the ones bringing you to the damn concert, not to mention paying for it." Dean said while opening the Impala's drivers side door. He stuck his tongue out at Claire.

"Yeah, yeah. Thanks." Claire said in a nonchalant voice. 

"Everyone buckled in?" 

Cas and Claire nodded. 

"Good cause I'm speeding." With that Dean peeled out of the drive way and off onto the nearest freeway to take them to the county's expo park. 

The ride was silent, filled with the sound of shifting gears and the RPMs of the motor. The heater whipped back into Claire's hair from the backseat. 

Once they hit the freeway, Cas snuck his hand over to Dean's and entwined their fingers. 

"Cas, you idiot, I have to shift or we're gonna die on the freeway!" Dean whined to Cas. 

"Well I know something else I can grab that will definitely make you crash." Cas mumbled as he looked back over to the freeway rushing by. 

"Maybe next time, honey." Dean said sweetly before turning back to the road. 

Not before long, they arrived at expo gate 5 and drove in. The parking lot was packed and there was a shitload of illegal parking. 

"Jesus Christ, and this guy isn't even that good!" Dean yelled while struggling to look for a parking spot.

"Yeah, tell that to a bunch of teenage girls and you'll  at least get a black eye out of it." Claire piped in from the back seat. 

"What's his name anyway? I wanna know who I'm about to listen to." Dan said while still looking for a parking spot. 

"Troye Sivan." Both Cas and Claire said at the same time. 

They eventually found a suitable parking place where it was unlikely for Baby to get dented or hurt, as always persisted by Dean. They grabbed their tickets and headed to the entrance. The line was relatively short because everyone had gotten there like 3 hours early to get good spots and also because the Winchester family was late. 

They entered, found their seats and settled down before Dean sighed, got up and tried to find a beer. It wasn't until the concert was actually starting did Dean come back. Beer-less, of course, because there was a shitload of underaged people dressed in pastel pink. 

The dude got up there and there were several ear splitting screeches so loud and horrible that a lot of people had to cover their ears, Dean and Claire included.

Everyone was standing and clapping and doing what was considered normal for that generation and Dean, who was kind of grumpy from the lack of beer and the screeching teenagers, was plopped down in his seat sulking. 

The moment one of those songs came on, you know, the ones where they wave their arms and kum ba yah, Cas was pulling Dean out of his seat and making him wave his arms. Dean was reluctant, to say the least. He finally submitted when Claire gave him puppy dog eyes. She must've learned it from Sam, that and the hacking things that has gotten her into trouble on more than one occasion. 

"Ugh. I hate you guys." Dean said as he started to sway back and forth. 

"That's not what you said at our wedding, Dean." Cas said while still looking out onto the stage and smiling smugly. 

"Oh shut up." Dean shot back and continued swaying back and forth to the music. 

The song finished and the singer announced what the final song was. The crowd, of course, went absolutely nuts. The song started and everyone was screaming along. A good 75% of them were literally going hoarse because of their constant screaming throughout the concert. 

Dean looked around with a grimace until his eyes landed on Cas and Claire singing along with Cas' arm over Claire's shoulder. His face melted into a look of absolute endearment and his heart leapt in his chest. Cas must've felt his eyes on him because he looked over and smiled and, with the hand still on Claire's shoulder, gestured him over. Dean exhaled to get the balloon-in-his-chest feeling out and put his arm around Claire and into Cas' side. 

While leaning over Claire, the two kissed and placed their foreheads together. For the rest of the concert they swayed to the music while Claire complained about them being gross. 

While Dean still calls the memory "Pastel pink hell", Cas likes to think if it as one of his best memories. Just him, Dean and Claire.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know if you want another chapter! PS: leave some kudos ❤️


	3. Damage of the Despot

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean, Cas and Claire go LARPing. Hilarity ensues.

It was a Saturday. It was sunny. Early morning. Beautiful Kansas weather. And Dean and Cas were hurriedly stuffing nearly everything in the car so they wouldn't be late to their annual LARPing match at Moonrise Park. Claire, of course, was yelling at them from the car. 

"You idiots! The battle starts in ten minutes! If you guys would've gotten off your asses and hadn't fucked we would've been on time!" Claire yelled out of the Impala's back window after she slammed her fist into the leather of the back seat. 

"I can't help it, you father's irresistible!" Cas yelled back while smirking at Dean. 

"Shut up Cas. You're the hot one." Dean said while he crinkles his eyes. 

"No, you're the one that gets hit on by cougars all of the time. You're clearly the hot one." Cas said in his sarcastic tone. 

"Hurry the fuck up!" Claire yelled out of the car, clearly in a desperate mood. 

Cas and Dean quite literally jumped into the front seats and sped down Cherry Lane towards Moonrise Park.   
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
"Are you ready for battle?" Charlie said as she stood in front of her army. A few mumbles could be heard. 

"I said, are you ready for battle?!" She yelled into the partly tired, partly hyped crowd. A group of angry shouts created a symphony of roars. 

"That's better." She smiled to herself and was about to continue the battle hype when the screeching brakes of a car interrupted her train of thought. 

She looked over to the Impala rocking on its shocks and rolled her eyes. What the fuck Winchesters'?   
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
The Impala slammed into park on the curb of Moonrise Park, just as the group of LARPers yelled an impressive battle cry that could be heard through the thick glass of the Impala's windows. 

"Son of a bitch, she's already giving them the battle talk!" Dean yelled as he rushed to the trunk of the Impala and opened it. 

He fumbled with the keys and he could feel the eyes of the Moondoor Company on him. He looked up and gave an awkward wave at the crowd of unimpressed, decked out fighters. 

They glared back. 

Cas and Claire now helped him grab all of their gear and run to the nearest changing tent. Cas and Dean took one room and Claire took the other. 

Several "Son of a bitches!" Could be heard along with a few "God fucking damnits!" 

Even though Claire was the one with the heaviest armor, she was done first and, in her usual manner, was yelling at them to hurry up so she won't get embarrassed again. 

When all 3 of them stumbled out of the tent and headed towards the Moondoor Company, everyone was looking disinterested. The whole company was either on their phones or looking very impatient. One of the LARPers noticed the Winchesters walking towards them and pointed. Charlie followed the direction her arm was pointing. 

"Winchesters! Get your ass over here." Charlie yelled with her hands on her hips. 

They Winchesters walked towards her with their tails between their legs and puppy dog eyes on their faces. 

Claire spoke up first. "Let me be the one to say that it was not my fault." She said with a hand over her heart. "These two knuckleheads here thought it was a good idea to have sex instead of getting up and dressed." She added a dramatic eye roll to her last word. 

Cas and Dean wrung their hands and averted Charlie's eyes with every atom in their being. They kicked the dirt on the ground around and tried to look as sorry as they could. 

"We're sorry we placed sex above LARPing. It won't happen again." They said (somehow?) in sync. 

Charlie smiled. "That's better. Now, let's go fucking destroy the peasants that call them selves 'The Seventh Sanctum,'" 

With that she raised her Sword of Eyre and yelled "Charge!" 

The entire 100+ people charged towards the tree line of Moonrise Park in an astonishing formation. 

Dean quickly turned to Claire and put his hands on her shoulder. "Don't die. Stay safe. I love you." He then ran to catch up with the rest of the LARPers. 

Cas sighed. "Your father is a nerd." Claire nodded her head in agreement.   
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
The battle was almost won. Only 3 of the other teams players remained. The queen and her 2 stooges. The remaining 10 players of team Moondoor had regrouped and decided on a plan of action. Cas, Dean and Claire were among them. 

"Ok team. The only way to get to the queen is through her 2 guards. The guard with the beard is Bart and he's a dual wielder with high levels of sorcery. He is fast but not fast enough for Cas. Cas I'm assigning you to him. You're the man for the job." Cas nodded at Charlie and continued listening. 

"The second stooge is this scrawny kid that has one hell of a high attack. He's good at almost everything but I know we're better. We're gonna need 2 for the job, Dean and Alex, you are going to have to use tactics. This guys is used to the randomness of most players but we have something he's gonna have one hell of a time with." Charlie smiled wickedly and smirked a little. 

"Dean, you're gonna have to flirt your way in." Charlie smiled at Dean expectantly. 

"You want me,-" Dean pointed at himself. "-A completely straight man that only loves women, to flirt with a man?!" Dean sputtered and fake gasped. 

Everyone, but Alex (who snickered in the back) looked back at Dean unimpressed. 

Cas spoke up, "Dean, shut the fuck up." 

"Anyway, now that we have the layout, the rest you you guys will help me destroy the queen. And she's not the queen for nothing. She's an expert in everything and an equal match to me. She is great at attack strategies and predicting them. We need that randomness of our group to annihilate her. This is also probably kinda mean but we're going to use her OCD against her. This means that everyone needs something that's not even. This could be your mustache or eyebrows, just something on your face that she has to look at. Ok?" 

Everyone nodded in agreement. 

"If our plan doesn't work, I want Claire to blow the fall back horn and we'll regroup here. Got it? Good."

With her final words she split everyone into their group and once again briefed them on their mission. Everyone was ready and with her last words, they charged ahead. 

"For Moondoor!"   
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Their plan had succeeded so far, the scrawny kid was absolutely destroyed by Dean's flirting and Cas was just delivering the final blow to the bearded dude. 

The plan was to go in with all of the remaining forces and kill the queen. 

Cas "cut" the mans head off and watched him get up and drag his feet all the way back to his tent when he heard a clapping from behind him. He turned around and saw Dean and Claire clapping for him with twin smirks on their faces. 

"That was hot, honeybee." Dean said after he stopped clapping. Cas sheathed his dagger and smiled at Dean. 

"Thank you, sweetheart." Cas said before gently kissing Dean. 

"Love you too." Dean said back. 

"You guys are disgusting." Claire said to the lovey-dovey married couple. 

They, of course, ignored her and kept being sickly sweet, the kind that makes you throw up in your mouth a little then shed a single man tear ( 


	4. Enchanting Flame

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Quick Drabble to proclaim how I'm feeling. I'm sooooooo tired of leftovers.

It was the middle of autumn. The soft cold caressed your bones and bit at your ears. The gentle falling of leaves became background noise and the wind was at the forefront of your mind. Along with the rain. And freezing that came with the rain. And occasionally sleet and hail. And hell, if you're super lucky, snow. Well Dean, Cas and Claire were super lucky this year and got 4 feet of snow, effectively locking them into their parents house on the day after thanksgiving. With Sam, Jess, John, Mary, Bobby, Ellen and the family dog, Caesar. The snow basically had no chance at melting because the weather was going to stay the same the entire week; freezing, unrelenting temperatures. 

Dean gazed up at the dormant ceiling fan, wondering how much dust it caught per year and if you could measure it in pounds. Cas was laying beside him, dead to the world with tendrils of drool rolling down his face as he snored away. 

Dean really did want to elbow him in the side but he knew that Cas would never get back to sleep and would keep him up with him. Or he could kick Cas out and tell him to sleep, not on the couch because Sam and Jess were on the pullout, but on the carpet next to them and risk being rolled on top of. Or even better, he could make Cas sleep in the freezing Impala outside. Don't get him wrong, he fucking love that car, but it got cold. And Dean didn't really want Cas to get hypothermia. So Dean just sat there thinking about how much snow he was going to have to get out of his driveway. How he was going to have to get on top of his house and fix the satellite dish. Then suffer through shitty TV and weak hot chocolate. Dean sighed and elbowed Cas in the ribs as hard as he could. 

Cas' body shot off of the bed and he manifested his angel blade from whatever plane of existence he keeps it on. 

"Demons?!" Cas yelled at the empty wall. 

"No, Cas. No demons. You were snoring." Dean said nonchalantly while lifting his torso off of the bed. He kicked his feet over the side and stood up. 

"I'm gonna go find Claire and see if we can have some kind of game going. Maybe Uno? Nah, that creates way too many enemies..." Dean slowly left the room while talking to himself, leaving Cas to calm down. 

Cas pulled some sweatpants on and a hoodie, only after putting his angel blade away. He walked down stairs to find that everyone was sitting around the fire places, enraptured by its flames. No one was speaking, just holding blankets on their shoulders and looking bewitched. Cas grabbed a quilt off of the couch behind them and rapped it around Dean's shoulders before going into the kitchen to start making something for everyone to eat. He walked into the open kitchen and took stock of the food in the fridge, mostly vegetables and various meats (mostly day old turkey). He sighed. Leftovers it was. He heated everything up in the microwave or in pots on the stove. 

He walked over to the fire where everyone was slowly starting to fall asleep, including Caesar, and struck his hands together. Everyone jumped a little bit and looked up at him. 

"It's time to eat. And yes, you have to." He said before turning away and getting played for everyone as everyone filed into the kitchen yawning, blankets still on their shoulders, he gave them each a plate and a fork. They dragged their feet around but eventually all made it to either the bar or the couch in from of the TV. Claire almost fell asleep in her potatoes but Cas woke her up just in time. 

Slowly, oh-so slowly, everyone dragged their asses over to the sink and washed all of their dishes. Only Ellen mumbled a 'Thank you'. Everyone that slept upstairs went upstairs, most of them on all fours. Dean stayed in the kitchen with him and put the leftover leftovers back into the fridge. 

When they were alone in the kitchen they were encased in a comfortable silence. 

Dean quietly announced that they were going to bed to himself and pulled Cas along by his hand up the stairs. 

They undressed and as fast as they could, got into bed to preserve the warmth. 

This was going to be a long week.

**Author's Note:**

> Please ask if you want another chapter. Ps: I have dyslexia and sometimes I skip words completely, just let me know if I do. PSPS: LEAVE SOME KUDOS ❤️


End file.
